I rolled up the blind to let some light in this evening, and saw my neighbour (07/05/09). He was lying on the front lawn, facing my window and watching a video on his laptop at a high volume, not giving a fuck.

This asshole is my arch-nemesis, and he lives his life by one simple rule: ABS (Always Be Slamming). I never get any decent sleep these days because he's always at those fucking doors, morning, noon and night.

What I should have done was run out outside and kick him in the face while he was on the ground, or the balls if it felt right in the moment. Then lob his laptop over the fence*. It would have been too good for him.

But instead, I just lowered the blind again and turned the light on. One of these days I'll find out what his name is, then I'll shit in a box and post it to him or something.

*I don't have a problem with his laptop as such, this would be purely for dramatic effect.

Less than one month after the warranty expired, my laptop stopped working yesterday. What made this worse was that I had the opportunity to extend the warranty before it expired, but opted not to because I didn't want to fork out €90, and also because the telesales operative who contacted me was an obnoxious bitch.

I called the technical support line this afternoon. They got the machine running again, albeit with minimal graphics. Apparently it wouldn't boot up because the graphics card is buggered, and will cost €314 to replace.

I'm conflicted as to what to do. I have the money at hand, but it does seem pointless replacing a high-performance graphics card (by 2007 laptop standards) for a machine that I only really use for browsing the Internet these days.

But on the other hand, not replacing it would leave me stuck with what is now effectively a crippled, low-spec laptop that weighs a ton. I could just put the money towards a smaller, more lightweight machine that won't cost €314 to fix when it inevitably fucks up.

I went for a swim with that Luke guy, as I usually do while staying round my parents' gaff. As I've mentioned before (21/02/09) the one problem with using the local pool is that you’re guaranteed to see at least one other guy's dick in the changing area afterwards. Sure there are cubicles to prevent this from happening, but Luke and I are the only people with enough decency to actually use them.

This time however, there were no other people in the area afterwards. I was so pleased that I briefly considered reaching out to Luke for a high-five, before quickly realising that even when wearing trunks, high-fiving another dude in a changing area is still highly inappropriate conduct.

It was my birthday today, or as it's more commonly known, just another fucking day. My parents called and said they'd get me a cake if I came over this weekend, so I'm going to do that. I like cake.

Every now and then at work, I'll receive an email from a total stranger based elsewhere in the company, demanding that I perform a task that has nothing to do with me, and that I have no knowledge of even how to go about doing.

When I inform them that they've got the wrong guy, they'll usually get snotty at me, even though I haven't actually done anything wrong. Then they'll ask who they should be talking to instead, but how the fuck should I know?

For the last couple of days, I've been receiving email from a number of people in Corporate Customer Care, all asking me to perform the same specific process. So I informed them that said process was not my responsibility.

One of them argued with this, and sent me the training material they'd been given. The material actually referred to me by name, and stated that said process was in fact for me to deal with. Outraged, I went to my supervisor.

It turned out that during my role transition period in March, when management were lobbying to have more jobs piled on me, my supervisor did agree that this process would be mine to deal with. I just hadn't been informed about it.

I have no idea how it's supposed to be done however, and unsurprisingly, neither does anyone else. So once again, I've just been left to wing it, and eventually, take all the shit once they realise I've been doing it all wrong.

On Tuesday 12th, my Internet connection stopped working.
After two days, I called customer support. They told me I'd been cut off for downloading too much, and wouldn't be reconnected until the 25th.

So I waited patiently until the 25th. I tried to connect first thing that morning, but my 3G modem didn't seem to work properly. I tried again after work, but still no luck. So I called customer support again.

The guy I spoke to this time told me that I'd been misinformed, and that they actually had no intention of reconnecting me until after I'd signed up for an "overage plan" which would allow them to charge two cents per additional megabyte downloaded in future. So I told him they could forget it in that case.

I thought about it that evening and the next day, I decided to go ahead and sign up for the fucking overage plan because I didn't have a lot of other options (14/05/09). And when/if NTL did set up their broadband cables in July or August, I could just cancel the account then. So I called customer support for the third time, and did that.

Once that was sorted, I tried to reconnect, but my modem still wouldn't work properly. So I called again. There wasn't anything they could do to fix the problem though, and in the end they advised me to take it back to the shop.

I did that yesterday. The assistant tried to use the modem on his computer with another SIM card. It still wouldn't work, so it was obvious that the modem had broken somehow, exactly one year to the day after I'd bought it.

I had two options at this point. I could have it sent away to be repaired, which would take about three weeks, or I could get an upgrade on it there and then for €59. "Fuck it" I thought, and went for the sodding upgrade.

So I got the new modem home and plugged it in. Big fucking surprise, it didn't work. So I called customer support again, and got through to some boghead who couldn't offer any advice besides bringing it back to the shop.

I did that today and spoke to the same assistant again. He downloaded the drivers for the device onto my trusty USB memory stick that I carry around at all times for just such occasions, and I installed them on my computer when I got home. And it worked. I now have my Internets again.

The end.

Finally got my cable television yesterday and nothing went wrong, thank fuck. Although I didn't realise until after the engineer had left that I'd inadvertently subscribed to the package that allows you to record programs and pause and rewind live television.

Spending an extra six bucks per month is hardly the end of the world, but it does seem like something that'd be of a lot more use to a busy person with better things to do. I'm at home practically all the time when I'm not working, and so the record function is wasted.

However, I do enjoy having the freedom to take a leak or make a cup of tea whenever I deem it necessary. The days of sitting around and waiting for an advert break to do such things are over, guy!

Since Tuesday, I've been unable to connect to The Internet using my O2 3G modem. I wasn't sure why this was, but as I now live in a proper flat with a phone-line, I decided to call NTL (who are sending an engineer round this Saturday) and ask if they could also hook me up with broadband.

It turned out that they couldn't, because NTL don't yet have the right lines installed my area. The guy did tell me they were planning to set them up around "July or August" but that's a long way off, and he might not have even known what he was talking about.

So I called O2 to find out why I'd been disconnected. They told me it was because I'd gone over the 10GB monthly limit (by about 10GB) and that they weren't going to reconnect me until the 25th of this month.

This was never a problem at my old place, because I made sure to only ever download torrentz when my neighbour's unsecured wireless network was running. The neighbours around here are a bit more savvy with their wireless connections, unfortunately.

I could get a connection from "Eircom", but unlike NTL, they won't provide broadband unless you have a telephone package as well, both amounting to €55 per month. Plus, it'll take them at least two weeks to set up, by which time my 3G modem should be working again.

So that's eleven more days without Internet (at home). If the decoder box installation somehow goes wrong again on Saturday, I don't know what I'm going to do. Go fucking mental, probably.

My flat happens to be located at the front of the building, just by the front door. I have a window that allows me to keep a close watch on the garden path, and over the last few days, I have noticed a peculiar, recurring practise by one of my neighbours.

Most evenings, I will see him running up the path like he thinks he's the goddamned Batman, before needlessly slamming the front door as he enters the building. He then runs upstairs and slams his flat door, seemingly with as much force as he can muster.

About five to ten minutes later, I'll hear another loud slam, followed by the sound of him running down the stairs and out the door, once again slamming it behind him. A few minutes later, he'll return, only to repeat this process a further two or three times.

Last night, between 12:30am and 1:30am, he repeated this no less than six times, each time slamming his upstairs flat door with enough force to shake my bed. I was trying to sleep at this time, so needless to say it was much more agitating than usual.

But at no point did anyone else in the building step in and ask him to knock it off already. Which was understandable enough, seeing as anyone who thinks such behaviour is acceptable to begin with is obviously the kind of complete fuck-head who cannot be reasoned with.

In my previous building, I had to put up with those accursed Slamwads (12/12/08). But in addition the them, there was also this massive prick at Flat 8, who'd often stagger home at 2am. He'd stomp his way down the hall, then slam his flat door like a motherfucker.

The dyke in the opposite flat (30/09/08) took it upon herself to have a word with him one night. He responded to this by effing and blinding at her, as if he were the one who'd been wronged. After that, he continued with his stamping and slamming, and she never bothered him again.

And in the flat before that, I had to put up with my then flatmate Agus constantly slamming the front door. This was especially annoying while I was unemployed, and he'd wake me up every fucking morning. It's as if there's no escaping this loud and unnecessary bullshit.

Someone needs to invent the technology to somehow inflict the sensation of being punched hard in the face, or punched really hard in the face (depending on the force the recipient used when closing the door) and then successfully lobby to have it installed on every door in the country.

But until then, I might just buy a Dictator Door Check off The Internet and ask the landlord if I can install it on the front door. I'd resent shelling out £75 because someone else is a cunt, and it won't stop him slamming his own flat door, but that's the world for you.

Took a day off work today, purely so I could be around to let the guy from the cable company in to install my decoder box. He plugged it all in, but was still unable to get a signal from the wall socket.

I called the landlord. He explained that the wall sockets are linked to an access point located under the stairs, inside a locked box that only he had a key to. Which meant that there was fuck-all the cable guy could do today.

So there I was, out of bed at 10am with another long day in addition to the bank holiday weekend to kill with no TV. And I'll probably have to wait another week before they can send another guy out. Damn it.

Update:
I'll have to wait until the 16th.